Saturday, November 16, 2013

Once Called "Fat"

I don't talk about being the "Fat Kid" in school a whole lot, but this week I had an instance where I was reminded of the pain that the name calling causes. 

I was training one of my clients this week and she was telling about the time she ran into this guy she went to school with. She said she could remember when he had called her "fat". She hadn't seen him in forever, but when they met in person, her first inner thought towards him was "asshole".  I laughed at her because I could remember the EXACT day, time, and place when I first realized I was overweight. 

Fourth grade, elementary school, I was getting my lunch and as my class was sitting down single file. There was this table of boys from my grade and as I made my way to the table, I heard pig snorting sounds. As I sat down, I heard one of the boys yell my name and say, "can I have your pig in the blanket? You have enough pig in you that you don't need to eat that!" I looked down at my tray, stomach completely sunk, and all I wanted to do was cry. But I looked up and said, "no, this food is disgusting, you want my cookie too?!" I handed away my food and starved the rest of the afternoon just to go home and gorge myself in private because no one could judge me at home.

That was where my journey to obesity began. It began with not desiring to eat in public and would literally binge when I got home because it was a judge free zone. 

But back to my client, I actually kind of knew the person she was talking about. I told him the story this week about her remembering him calling her fat and he responded with, "Man! Women really do hold on to stuff! I'm not like that anymore." I smiled and reassured him it was completely squashed, but I wanted him to see how a small comment can form some bodies entire self image. We made light of the conversation as I joked about me once being the "fat kid" and moved on.

But here's the deal, it's not that an overweight person can't ever get over someone calling them fat, but it's an emotional struggle of looking in the mirror every single day and repeatedly believing what others think of you. Believing that your worthless and don't deserve to be happy because your fat. We begin believing we're held down by our past. It's the devils way of holding each of us down. For the longest time I would joke about being fat. It was my philosophy to make fun of myself and being fat because then no one else would. I continued to tear myself down even when others weren't. 

THIS IS WHERE MY WEIGHT LOSS BEGAN. I always had been disappointed in myself and lacked self control. I believed fat was what I was and who I would ALWAYS be. WRONG! That's why weight loss is 99% mind and 1% physical (my percentages!) The 99% is making up your mind not to continue to be the OLD YOU. The OLD YOU always made BS excuses. If the old you ALWAYS DID this, that doesn't mean the NEW you will. The body will literally do whatever you tell it. So stop sabotaging yourself, stop making the excuses I always made, and begin loving yourself so much that you practice SelfControl and Discipline. God doesn't desire to see us living in slavary to anything! Drugs, food, money, fear, people... WHATEVER is holding you back from Acheiving Greatness, I challenge you to ask God to strengthen you in your weaknesses and begin living in a life worth living!


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