Monday, July 25, 2011

Wtloss is 85% Mental

Having lost 90lbs (pictures below), I can HONESTLY say, the process has been 85% mental.
From taking my first walk and turning it into a run to eating my first avocado and taking my first sip of green tea, I had to mentally choose to do all of the above.  I am a very self-driven individual, so it hasn’t taken a lot of others to motivate me.  I did it because ‘I’ wanted to.  However, I had to be ready.  I had to make the choice to do it for ‘me’. No one else.
Through this process of getting fit, and gaining a whole new respect for myself, I had an experience just yesterday that brought me to tears.  All of my insecure feelings came rushing back through my body.  As many of you know, I made a career change into retail.  I love my job because I get to be myself and love people as they walk through the door.  I love God and his people, so when YOU walk through our doors, I try to demonstrate the same love that I have received from our Heavenly Father.  And so, yesterday, when a woman was convinced I was talking bad about her, raised her voice to me saying;
“You are not management material!  I’m in management and I would never hire someone like you.  You have no talent but standing around looking like eye-candy.  You have no brains and were only hired for your beauty.  You have no idea what REAL HARD WORK is.  You just stand around to get guys telephone numbers.  You should be ashamed of yourself.  I think you are disgusting not only on the outside, but the truer beauty, on the inside, it’s even uglier!”
I honestly have no idea where this came from, she obviously was having a terrible day and I was the one to get her steam.  My assistant manager wanted to make sure I was ok after she marched away and one look from him, I just started sobbing.  I COULD CARE less what I look like on the outside, but what brought me to tears was that she thought I was ugly on the inside and that I didn’t know what hard work was.  Anyone who has lost 5 lbs knows what hard work is!  I took 5 minutes to settle down and returned to the floor, but I’ve allowed her words to echo in my mind. But not anymore. 
This is what I’ve come to figure out through this situation:
I am loved.
My beauty isn’t found in the mirror.  It isn’t found in a number on the scale or on the tape measure.  My beauty isn’t found in others or their opinions.  My beauty is found ONLY in and through Christ.
I have this song that my brother sent to me a while ago.  It’s by Lil’ Wayne, but I like this version sung by Crushon ft. David Sides.  These words at the end bring tears to my eyes:
See I just want you to know
That you deserve the best
You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
And I want you to know, you’re far from the usual
Far from the usual

The reason why I like this song is because my brother sent it to me in a facebook with a message telling me that he thought I was beautiful and proud of what I’ve done.  It was a simple message but brought me to tears.  It ended with a ‘I love you A’.  And to hear that, from my brother who is younger than me, but I’ve always looked up to, reminded me that those who loved me before I lost all my weight, loved me for me.  Obese or thin, my heart has nothing but love for everyone.  I learn so much from others and their experiences.  Which is why I appreciate all of you reading my blog and the awesome feedback I get from you.  You help challenge and grow me as an individual.  I desire to grow and not grow stagnant in anything I do.  Just like you have to change up your workouts to get results, you have to be challenged before you can grow.  I’ve grown from this experience and look forward to the next set of tears to be shed.  Ahh, gotta love growth!
My Success: Accepting myself and learning to love the (fit)skin I’m in.
Your Challenge: Love on those around you.  Encourage others, it goes a lot farther…
2 yrs ago!

2yrs ago
4 yrs ago

Currently before getting my butt kicked in TRX circuit training ;)

90lbs down->> Toning*

8months ago


  1. Wow girl. First off, that lady must have some sad insecurities of her own that she decided to project & lash out onto you. You don't deserve ANY of those words, so don't for a minute accept them into your heart or mind. I feel sorry for her, because obviously she's too angry, sad and unhappy in this world that she can't live without judging harshly and not giving people the benefit of the doubt. Sad for her, and I'm sorry that she wounded your tender heart, but girl I just have to say, it's obvious and clear that you're absolutely beautiful 100% inside AND out. You shine like a star girl, don't you ever let anyone else's rude and angry hatred sink into your skin for a second! p.s. Your pics look stellar!!

  2. Loved your post! It made me a bit teary eyed as the lady was definitely dealing with serious issues (and jealously)and tried to bring you down. She obviously sees a light on the inside of you that is shining bright!! Some people cant take that much light and have to put their "hater" shades on lol ;) Girl you look awesomeness and am very happy about your progress!! Keep it up and keep shining inside and out!